With our friends in Washington about to create an economic Armageddon it may be best for us to examine alternative lifestyles that don’t require a lot of money. That’s why we have decided to help you learn even MORE great things about being a hobo! What do you guys think is the “best” part of being homeless?

No More Facebook!

As a Hobo you can be freed from the monotony of constantly having to update your social media platforms. Take random pieces of paper and trash, and scribble on them doodles of people you know and put their name under each doodle. Then tape to the wall (or stick with your own feces) each “photo” and tell people it’s your Facebook page.

Get off My Damn Lawn!

You can play house! Set up your cardboard box home on a busy sidewalk. When people walk by come out and yell at them to “get off your lawn.”

Homeless Block Party!

Get all of the other homeless folks to bring their drugs and bottles of booze like a pot luck dinner and throw a Homeless Block Party!

Best Plan Ever

If you find yourself homeless take off all your cloths. Next you are going to want to take out a sword and walk through the mall demanding that old women give you their purse so you can fulfill your destiny as a modern day Robin Hood. When they run screaming sit down and wait for the police to arrive. They will now escort you to the nearest jail cell where you will have a bed, shelter and three meals a day. (Note: please don’t do that.)

Ride Alone

You can have your very own subway car to yourself. Simply walk inside and open your jacket and let your body odor waft over the other riders! They will clear out in no time and you can stretch out on the vacant seats, plenty of leg room! This also will work in a Subway restaurant. And then you can eat all the food they left behind on their tables.

Take Advantage of Dumb Credit Card Companies

Apply for a credit card with Chase bank. We get about five different junk mail notices offering up an account every day! Then run up the credit card on food and booze, what do you care you’re already homeless, what are they going to do to you if you don’t pay your bill- put you in Jail? (see above.)

Start Your Own Empire

Get together all of the other homeless people and start your own empire. Forge weapons from recycled bottles and cans, make uniforms from the bed sheets at the shelter and lead a rebellion claiming the alleyway behind McDonald’s your own. Declare yourself the Supreme Leader of the land and the one true ruler who can fight off the oppressors who would deny “your people” jobs and homes. When the cops show up to force you to clear the alley, charge at them with your makeshift bottle shiv and die in a hail of gunfire. Now you will forever be a martyr to the homeless.