Euphemisms are great ways of saying naughty or impolite things in mixed company. In fact some of them no longer fly under the radar and are themselves now taboo to say in front of the wrong crowd. That’s why we have catalogued the best ones for you to offend everyone with. What are some euphemisms you enjoy using?

Dropping the Kids Off At The Pool

This one sounds really refreshing. Who doesn’t remember how fun it was to go to the pool for the afternoon as a kid? Your mom would give you a towel and some sun screen and you could run around unsupervised doing cannonballs in the shallow end, annoying the life guard who is trying to hit on the underage girls. But no; now you know that “dropping the kids off at the pool” really means pinching a fat loaf, leaving a brown bomb, and taking a huge growler. Pooping!

Choking The Chicken

This is an oldie but a goodie and the standard for which all other Euphemisms are judged. While Grandma might be confused why anyone would want to choke a chicken when you can just take an axe and cut its head off at the tip, we know the real story. Choking The Chicken refers to the time honored tradition of pounding your meat, pulling your pud and taking the dog for a walk. Jacking off!

Playing Hide The Salami

Nothing is more phallic then a nice long, thick and plump salami.. unless of course you look at a penis. Penises are pretty phallic. That’s why “Playing Hide the Salami” is the best euphemism for doing the horizontal mumbo, parting the roast beef curtains and bumping uglies. Sex!

A Bun in The Oven

If you play a lot of Hide the Salami then chances are you might have a Bun in the Oven. While this phrase might remind you of the warm fuzzy feeling of coming home to the smell of fresh baking bread, it is quite the opposite. Having a bun in the oven means you’re About To Find Pups, With Child and Knocked Up. Your preggers!

The Family Jewels

The family jewels make it sound so regal and refined; after all doesn’t the Royal Family have a nice set of big, polished family jewels? Well it turns out all guys do with this classic euphemism. The Family Jewels refers to your love apples, your marshmallows and your nuts! Your testicles!

Sweater Muffins

This is a great euphemism because it combines two different pleasant and nice things. What could be better than a nice warm sweater and a delicious muffin? How about a big pair of bazongas, cantaloupes and hooters. Yay for boobies!