Hipster Mom

Is your mom always trying to relate to what “the kids are into?” Is she always asking you to make her iTunes playlists? Does she pretend to like The Black Keys? Then what a better Mother’s Day present then a gift certificate to a place that pretends to be hip: Urban Outfitters. You know that fake-hip place at the mall with the Crock’s, ironic T-Shirts and coffee table books about Potato Chip Art.

Martha Stewart Mom

When you grew up did your mom spend hours teaching you how to make your bed with the sheets folded in a certain way? Did her hand sewn craftwork table cloth collection take precedent second only to her scrapbooking and chocolate confections molding? Then your Martha Stewart Mom will love the Japanese Robot Maid, which can do all the boring chores for her like putting away dishes. This will leave more time for exciting summer projects like basket weaving.

The Boozehound Mom

If your mom loves to hit “the sauce” as much as she loves making up excuses for her erratic behavior (“My blood sugar was low!”) then you have a Boozehound Mom. The way to her heart is to not attempt and cure her addiction but become an “enabler.” Wake her up when you get home from school at 3PM and put a drink in her hand and a smile on her face. This Mother’s Day give her the gift of inebriation with a Bar Boy Alcohol Shot Dispenser you can pick up from Bed Bath and Beyond. It will have everything she needs for a happy Mother’s Day and not a grumpy one.

The “Self Enlightened” Mom

If your mom refers to herself as “enlightened” we all know that’s code for religious whack job. No offense. She’s the type of person who goes through religious gurus like they are the latest fad diet. From Jesus and Buddha to that guy selling Yoga seminars on the infomercial at 5AM, the “Self Enlightened” Mom gets around the spiritual block. That’s why you need to buy her The Gospel of The Flying Spaghetti Monster the “good book” for Pastafarians who adhere to the teachings of the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster.. a parody religion. The great thing is it’s a totally “new” religion and she will love it!

The Over Protective Mother

Do you have several bike helmets but don’t own a bicycle? When the other kids went out to play you were told to stay inside? Then you have an over protective mother! Look at the bright side, you have lived this long and haven’t been run over by a car or gotten your head bashed in! Because as you know it’s a dangerous world out there! This Mother’s Day get the over protective mother something she will really appreciate. Her own personal body guard! Such as the A.T.A.C.K Protection Group Inc. (http://www.atackprotection.com/) who specializes in Chuck Norris style ass kicking against bad guys. Why should such services only be used by the rich and famous? After all isn’t your mother a VIP to you?

Fitness and Health Nut Mom

Does your mom spend more time raising her wheatgrass than she does raising you? Is your dad ragingly jealous of Derek, her perfectly waxed personal trainer? Well, guess what? If you buy her the Hawaii Chair she never has to leave the living room to keep that gross female six-pack! We can’t promise she’ll stay away from Derek though.
Hawaii Chair

Tiger Mom

Has your mom read Battle Hymn of The Tiger Mom? Does she demand you spend more time playing piano, piccolo and your Chinese Bamboo flute than Xbox Live? Then you need to give your mom a chill pill and demand your childhood back.

http://www.kleargear.com/1624.html

The Religious Mom

Does your mom make you go to church every Sunday? Does she pray before every meal lest the demons in her cereal attack? Then ease her mind by reserving her a spot in heaven. Yes it’s real because the certificate says so! And for the Satanist you can reserve a spot in hell! Just don’t get the two mixed up like I did. Moms don’t like it when you ruin their eternity.